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modI guess you're right...gotta blame bush. :/ § snake2092013-11-09 14:32:52inlI cannot access the obamacare web site. § JanetSmith2013-11-09 14:29:56inlPart 3 jeffe_verde2013-11-09 14:26:36"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry." My apologies do nothing to drown out the heinous noises that seem to carry on and reverberate throughout the small cabin indefinitely. If that's not bad enough, I have one more major problem. The privacy screen stops right around shoulder level. I am sitting there, a disembodied head, in the back of the plane, on a bucking bronco for a toilet, all while looking my colleagues, competitors, and clients directly in the eyes. "Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain!" briefly comes to mind. I literally could reach out with my left hand and rest it on the shoulder of the person adjacent to me. It was virtually impossible for him, or any of the others, and by others I mean high profile business partners and clients, to avert their eyes. They squirm and try not to look, inclined to do their best to carry on and pretend as if nothing out of the ordinary was happening, that they weren't sharing a stall with some guy crapping his intestines out. Releasing smelly, sweaty, shame at 100 feet per second. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry" is all the ashamed disembodied head can say…over and over again. Not that it matteredinlPart two: jeffe_verde2013-11-09 14:26:13Up to this point, nobody has observed my struggle or my exchange with the flight attendant. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry." That's all I can say as I limp toward her like Quasimodo impersonating a penguin, and begin my explanation. Of course, as soon as my competitors see me talking to the CFO, they all perk up to find out what the hell I'm doing. Given my jovial nature and fun-loving attitude thus far on the roadshow, almost everybody thinks I'm joking. She, however, knows right away that I am anything but and jumps up, moving quickly to where I had been sitting. I now had to remove the seat top – no easy task when you can barely stand upright, are getting tossed around like a hoodrat at a block party, and are fighting against a gastrointestinal Mt. Vesuvius. I manage to peel back the leather seat top to find a rather luxurious looking commode, with a nice cherry or walnut frame. It had obviously never been used, ever. Why this moment of clarity came to me, I do not know. Perhaps it was the realization that I was going to take this toilet's virginity with a fury and savagery that was an abomination to its delicate craftsmanship and quality. I imagined some poor Italian carpenter weeping over the violently soiled remains of his once beautiful creation. The lament lasted only a second as I was quickly back to concentrating on the tiny muscle that stood between me and molten hot lava. I reach down and pull up the privacy screens, with only seconds to spare before I erupt. It's an alka-seltzer bomb, nothing but air and liquid spraying out in all directions – a Jackson Pollock masterpiece. The pressure is now reversed. I feel like I'm going to have a stroke, I push so hard to end the relief, the tormented sublime relief. inlRand Paul wrote this great short story: jeffe_verde2013-11-09 14:25:36Just over halfway through the flight, all the coffee in my stomach feels like it's percolating its way down into my lower intestine. I hunker down and try and focus on other things. What feels like an hour, but probably isn't more than twenty minutes, passes. We then enter what turns out to be pretty violent turbulence. With each bounce, I have to fight my body, trying not to shit my pants. "Thirty minutes to landing, maybe forty five" I try and tell myself, each jostle a gamble I can't afford to lose. I signal to [the flight attendant] and she heads toward me. "Excuse me, where is the bathroom, because I don't see a door?" I ask while still devoting considerable energy to fighting off what starts to feel like someone shook a seltzer bottle and shoved it up my ass. She looks at me, bemused, and says, "Well, we don't really have one per se." She continues, "Technically, we have one, but it's really just for emergencies. Don't worry, we're landing shortly anyway." "I'm pretty sure this qualifies as an emergency," I manage to mutter through my grimace. I can see the fear in her face as she points nervously to the back seat. The turbulence outside is matched only by the cyclone that is ravaging my bowels. She points to the back of the plane and says, "There. The toilet is there." For a brief instant, relief passes over my face. She continues, "If you pull away the leather cushion from that seat, it's under there. There's a small privacy screen that pulls up around it, but that's it." At this point, I was committed. She had just lit the dynamite and the mine shaft was set to blow. I turn to look where she is pointing and I get the urge to cry. I do cry, but my face is so tightly clenched it makes no difference. The "toilet" seat is occupied by the CFO, i.e. our fucking client. Our fucking female fucking client! http://jalopnik.com/this-is-the-most-embarrassing-plane-pooping-story-ever-1456846301?action_type_map={%22772680466080468%22%3A%22og.likes%22}&fb_action_types=og.likes&fb_source=other_multiline&action_object_map={%22772680466080468%22%3A324475004359695}&action_ref_map&fb_action_ids=772680466080468sfoWTF??, new handles but I'm sure the same goofs § NeutronBuddha2013-11-09 14:20:49tpa"I'm rich bitch" § turnawrench2013-11-09 14:17:06tpaactually he is a hero...I'd forgotten about that § 2013-11-09 14:16:08nycI don't know. They have very little in common § wham-bam2013-11-09 14:11:51nhmWell, you all knew the time was going to come, born-lucky2013-11-09 14:11:24I must get prepared to watch Lawrence Welk....Later.tpaPaul Anthony Ciancia, was registered in Salem Co BOYCOTT-IRS2013-11-09 14:08:07Paul Anthony Ciancia, was registered in Salem County, New Jersey as a Democrat LAX shooter democrat just as I said he waslnkMy latest Hit&Run Troll victim...CrazyDud says FROG-452013-11-09 14:07:54He "loves it" So I crapped him whole pot full....\ he just chows it right down I hear it's a hot item § coming2takemeaway2013-11-09 14:07:03sfoI'd be OK with excluding niggers from sports. RabEYE__ghett02013-11-09 14:06:52They put out one or two 1/2 decent behaved niggers like Hank Aaron or whoever, and as soon as that happens the niggers turn 'sports' into a cesspool of ghetto behavior. Nothing wrong with sports stars having a little 'fun', but these niggers are just tiresome and mostly do actual 'bad things' like have baby mommas murdered etc.I'm glad I didn't invest in Tesla aren't you? 2013-11-09 14:06:27http://www.usnews.com/opinion/blogs/economic-intelligence/2013/06/03/teslas-success-is-the-result-of-political-favoritismhttp://abcnews.go.com/Business/tesla-fires-weeks-raise-doubts-elon-musks-company/story?id=20830108nycI know I look bad but say something nice anyway. § no_small_feet2013-11-09 14:05:05wyoI'm billing you for it § KolobianKandidate2013-11-09 14:04:09pslI'm young, so it's unlikely. You will probably StealthLezzy2013-11-09 14:02:44die first old geezer.wyoI'm ok with that.94% of Massachusetts is covered § honorbound682013-11-09 14:02:19milI'll do anything for a clcondike bar § KolobianKandidate2013-11-09 14:01:25milRelax, I'm just jokin' round § KolobianKandidate2013-11-09 14:00:41nycI think that's the point. § wham-bam2013-11-09 14:00:29inlGOPig Fag Hag Michele Bachmann said, jeffe_verde2013-11-09 13:55:22“I think it’s a suicidal move for the world, in particular for Israel, we would like to encourage the prime minister to do everything he can to stand strong for Israel’s interest. We believe the sanctions are working exactly as they were intended to work. This is not the time to let up on sanctions.” http://www.jpost.com/Features/In-Thespotlight/Bachmann-Iran-deal-is-suicidal-331076wyoIt's on the website I just posted. § honorbound682013-11-09 13:54:32wyoI thought it was 867,5309. § born-lucky2013-11-09 13:52:22sfoNo. But I'm sure it's over my head § no_small_feet2013-11-09 13:49:55nhmI want what you are taking. § Deport-Libs2013-11-09 13:49:09sfoin lieu of cash donation to aid storm victims... RabEYE__ghett02013-11-09 13:48:50which might only be a few million from me personally, I've decided to do something much more helpful, meaningful and long lasting. I'm now informing YOU that I did make massive donations to aid storm victims, cure breast cancer, provide free limo rides for HIV positive fags on their way to fashion shows, provide good homes to puppies and kittens, etc, etc, etc, in the form of all the income and other taxes I pay. It is YOU that then CHOSE to take that money and use it to torture and maim random farmers and herders across the Turd World at the orders of Nobel Peace Prize winner Obama. You have my permission to change your mind and use my money for the 'charity' of your choice.nhmI was surprised to find out today that this is N FROG-452013-11-09 13:48:28November.milI encourage lots of leaf burning. It smells like theanti-lib372013-11-09 13:45:59VICTORY!!!!! (R)

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